Cooper (American, 2007-2015) // Best Birthday Ever (self portrait), 2015 // Laser print || Cooper love Master. Master is Cooper friend. Cooper is Master friend. Master give Cooper food. Cooper food tasty. Master walk Cooper. Cooper like pee on flowers because Cooper value contrast. One day Cooper sleep long and after Cooper wake Cooper feel breeze between knees and start wonder if bum look big in these jeans. Master put dumb thing on Cooper face. Cooper take selfie because Cooper art. Cooper love Master. Hey is that chocolate cake? Cooper died later that day due to theobromine poisoning (cocoa overdose). His final words: “Dude that shit was totally fucking worth it. Also, Dave has been sleeping with the babysitter for 2 years, Lisa is a HUGE pothead (thanks for the second-hand), and Picasso was a hack. Time to go sniff some ghost butts. Coop out.” Cooper’s body has been preserved for an investigation into the linguistic potential of Golden Retrievers.